Feeling lonely? All alone in this world? No one to connect with?
Something we hear commonly. Why are we lonely when there is billions of people in this planet Earth? Why lonely?
What is loneliness? A sense of feeling alone and lack of emotional warmth from the surrounding. But are we lonely? We are here because our parents made sure we survive after birth. We eat food because somebody cultivated the grains. We are still alive because somebody is guarding the borders. We are reading this because somebody makes sure you get internet and have electricity. Are we alone?
Now you can feel alone in a crowd. Why? The lack emotional bond makes us feel we are alone. So it is not lack of people around but the failure to form adequate amount emotional bond with people around and more importantly with our own self.
How can we form an emotional bond? Listen. Yes, listen with your eyes and ears as well. See with your ears and eyes too. Why? So you able to familiarize and able to understand the other person. This is your glue to form the bond. Forming an open space to let them be themselves and let yourself be you.
Its like a mirror. What you give you receive. So give what you want. If you want emotional warmth. Give it without expectation. Start by giving it to yourself and then extend it to others. When your cup is full and overflowing you can share without getting empty.
Now let us look at why some of us feel lonely in this big world full of people. Not able to form a loving relation with family as a child. Sudden loss of a beloved one. Loved ones are far away. Moving away from your community for education or career. There are many reasons why loneliness is experienced. You need to be aware of yours. The thing is learning to spend some time with yourself and try to understand yourself. Befriend yourself first. Then extend it to people around. In that way you won’t be uncomfortable being alone and also they can form enriching connections with others.
Why is loneliness uncomfortable? Many of us are like hamsters in the wheel. Running, running and running. Running away from ourselves. Why? Uncomfortable feelings and thoughts seeking attention? Fear of being harmed? Fear not receiving help? These are usual reasons. Now let us look why and how to address it.
Not learning to face feelings and thoughts are like unread messages in your Whatsapp. It bothers you when you take Whatsapp. Specially if you avoid reading the messages. But one day, we face it and then it stops bothering you anymore when you are done with it. Communications repeat till you address it. Emotions and thoughts are merely communication of something lying under your conscious state. As long as you don’t sit with and do negotiation they keep bothering you. Deal with it. Seek help if required but deal with it.
Now many of us come from unsafe backgrounds or at least in an emotional sense “unsafe”. Developing confidence in yourself and wisely building a community that you can rely on is your best bet. Address those trauma or fear by dealing with it face to face. Its like afraid of what is under bed. We form all sorts of scary images in our mind and finally we brave to look under the bed only to find nothing. Yes, many of our fear is the figment of our fear creations, directed and produced by yourself. Face it.
Now some of us getting old or have a disease or serious condition if help is not received will put you in danger. Valid fear. But complaining doesn’t solve the issue right? How about making an emergency plan and support system and then sit at peace.
Loneliness is a feeling and all it does is communicate our need for personal or communal engagement. You need to take the initiation not others to quench your loneliness.