How to relate better?
There are no shortcuts to successful parenting but there is a long one and it is rewarding. You too grow with them as an individual. As you parent them you parent yourself too. Teach to treat themselves with love happens only when you genuinely show how lovingly you treat yourself and others.
A child only turns defensive when it feels threatened or feel something is not according to its interest. The way you parent your inner child determines how well your mind functions and ultimately how you function. Your conscious mind is like the inner parent or adult.
It is important to heal your inner parent and inner child in order to fully function as an individual and maybe in future be a better parent. You don’t need to be perfect but give it your best. Our parents too gave their best. They have done what they can and we need to learn to appreciate whatever they were able to do from their limitations. Let us create a healthy world for our children.
As a newborn you might not have a sense of difference from the outside world. Everything is part of you. You may not have known the difference between you and your mother. Only after few months that distinction starts to appear. That is the first sense of being a separate person from others. You and mother. Then the list increases. You try seeing connection between people of same gender. If you have noticed some children go and call someone else as father just because he is a male. The realization that they are outsider and separate from your parents appear only later. That is when you start seeing children cry when they see strangers, have separation anxiety.
We survive as a collective. Most of the behaviors revolve around being part of the collective. To be accepted means to survive. In prehistoric time this was crucial to survival. Let us see why. Food is a collective resource so is protection. Being isolated means not able to receive food and protection. Considering the hunt and gather nature of how food was allocated it meant you may either have to macho up go hunt and try not being killed in order to eat. This macho way is not possible for everyone because hunting used to be a group activity not solitary. Now when a predator comes it is a collective effort to ward it off. You are not part of the group then you may have to face the predator alone. Well if you are confident you may but you have to consider if it is worth it.
Every emotion has a physical reaction that is triggered as a result of it, these are called psychosomatic responses. The tightening of the chest when